And then I realize—I have tiny ways to get myself out of it. So, the way I get myself out of it is I go to other mediums, or to other artists. And I have to think of…there will be a future; what kind of future do we want? Sometimes I wish I could be a comedian. I wish I could bring laughter. Some people write songs that make you laugh, and I can do that once in a blue moon, when the muses gift me with that. Really, I think you have to come to terms with the kind of writer you are.
I understand that particular creature of power. So, cutting my teeth, underscoring these liquid handshakes, as I call them in the book, is a part of my piano-bar-playing DNA.
Is that when you first understood songwriting as a way to address social or political issues—as opposed to just a form of personal expression? When I was accepted at the Peabody Conservatory at five, I had a lot of potential. And they had hoped that I would follow a certain path.
But I saw the impact—that was , when I was accepted. So, I began to see around me, because of the older students, the power of music, of the songs being written at that time. Whether it was coming out of Motown, whether it was coming from the British invasion. All the bands, from the Beatles to the Stones to Zeppelin. Remaining creative in the face of the machine, she says, is vital.
The ignorance she encountered stunned her and left her meditating on her own complicated lineage: a family tree that includes both Native Americans and Confederate soldiers. When, I wonder, did Trump last cry? And we all know the real power of that body part; talk about a multitasker!
Emotional vulnerability takes bravery. Great male leaders through the ages have understood this. They practise their faith on a daily basis and they glow with it. You have to get yourself out of the way. Let the muses take over. I see them. There are eleven of them.
I can see them. My husband can show you proof of the muses. I had to learn it later. It was just kind of coming through.
Later on, I was trying to figure out—Jesus, bar 7, bar 5, bar 4, what? I think it sounds easier than it is. Other artists have talked about it—the idea of pulling aside on the freeway. In the book, you describe your songs as children, almost—with their own birthdays and needs and desires.
It happens when I finish a record. My husband and I, we have a little glass of something. You realize this. So do you want to take a minute? Some of them want that—others, no. No, no. I truly have to step back. That moment is always very challenging for me. Can I get my mum and papi? Can I get you, are you there? I need my mom. That must have been a whole new kind of heartbreak. I was in the thick of the book then, and my new record was being rewritten.
First, one of my best friends died. She had A. We were on our way to see my mom. Within two days, these two women are gone.
My mom was my best friend. And I think maybe for the first week, I was, because the suffering had been so great, and cruel. I try in the book. I try to explain it. It fits into that theme in a very different way than some of the political writing.
Those passages feel different. I stayed in Florida for a long time. Tash stayed with me for a bit. But I stayed there, alone, to try and work through it, and to write the book. Then songs started to come slowly. I was in a different place with it than, say, my sisters. Because I was able to put the grief on paper. It was not an easy few months. I had to allow myself to really go to those raw places. People often talk about art-making as being a useful tool for processing grief—a kind of exorcism.
I had this shrink for many years before she retired, Dr. Rita Lynn. She changed my life. But what I would say to a shrink is very different than how I would craft a piece of work.
You have to step into your artistry. Which is a very different thing than just, you know, going to the shrink, which is a safe place where emotional stuff is not edited. Then the songs started to come.
Enjoy unlimited access to 70 million ad-free songs and podcasts with Amazon Music Sign up now for a day free trial. Another thing Amos had to admit to herself, she says, before those songs arrived, was that she needed time to come to terms with what had happened in America during the last election, especially the Capitol riots. She says the worry of him being re-elected caused another period of despondency, as did the resulting threat to democracy when the election votes were challenged.
After she processed the result, eventually, she says another anchor felt lifted. But that needed to be celebrated. I think after that with the record I just had to let everything go. Amos herself is a survivor of sexual assault, and one song on her new album sees her looking back once more at the trauma it caused.
The number of people reaching out for help was at its highest ever level, she explains. And it hurt more with schools being closed on both sides of the Atlantic. Places where an abuse might get recognised by somebody — a teacher, a nurse, someone like that. Certain settings where it can be picked up on.
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